


Metacommunication

by americanchemicals



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Fluff and Angst, Lack of Communication, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 16:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12939171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americanchemicals/pseuds/americanchemicals
Summary: Communication is important in any relationship. Metacommunication, or communicating about communicating, was equally as important. Because when there are misunderstandings, things quickly go downhill.





	Metacommunication

To say that Shane Madej was nervous was to put things lightly. He had decided exactly one month ago that he wanted to ask Ryan Bergara to marry him, which was not something light that he could bring up over dinner. Everyone always had such romantic proposal stories, whether it was over at fancy dinner or an impromptu moment at the park. Either way, Shane figured that Ryan wouldn't want something embarrassing like Shane asking him while out on a case or during a post-mortem, because that was work and maybe he wanted to keep his work more separated from his love life. They had stated a few times in the show that they were a couple, as if it wasn't obvious enough with Ryan clinging to Shane's side every time something went bump in the night. But even if Ryan was okay with announcing their relationship to the internet, what if he didn't want his proposal on the internet?

What if he didn't actually want to marry Shane, and was just fine with the 'dating' status? Shane knew some people like that, that didn't care about having official documents stating that they were two people together in a relationship. Shane already had Ryan's health care proxy and vice-versa, so they could make medical decisions for the other person if something bad were to happen (their job could be quite unpredictable with all the unstable buildings they kept going into). But he wanted that official status of marriage, even if it was from the government. People had also fought pretty hard for the right for gay people to marry, and he felt like that shouldn't be discarded. He loved Ryan more than anyone he had ever dated before, not to mention it was the longest romantic relationship that he had ever had. 

So turning to his friend Sara for advice seemed blatantly obvious. He couldn't talk to Ryan about his worries, and tell him that he was afraid that if he proposed that Ryan would say 'no.' Just voicing those worries would probably guilt him into saying 'yes,' and Shane couldn't do that to his boyfriend. There was also that possibility that Ryan just didn't feel that same intensity for Shane, that to him it was a temporary relationship and that it wasn't lifelong. 

Sara repeatedly would tell him that he was a complete idiot, and that he needed to pull his head out of the ground and look around, because "Ryan Bergara is 110% completely infatuated with him." He still worried, but her pep talk helped ease a lot of his nerves. He was going to go through with this, he was for sure going to propose. But now, he had to figure out how. 

So, Sara and him started spending more time together, helping plan what he was going to say and do. Shane was a practical man, he needed a logical game plan to keep himself grounded. He was so caught up in the perfect proposal, with Sara constantly having to calm his worries, that he didn't notice Ryan's change in behavior.

-

Ryan Bergara was an anxious mess. He wasn't a crybaby despite what a lot of people said, which was something he hated about the Unsolved supernatural season, but he was always over-analyzing and worrying about a lot of different things at once. Sometimes, those things turned out to be pretty minor in the end, so when Shane started acting weird, Ryan chose to brush it off as his anxiety getting him worked up over nothing. 

At first, it was just Shane staring at him when they would be hanging around the house after dinner. Ryan would be doing research on his laptop, or they might be watching something together on Netflix, and he would catch Shane watching him intently. It was obvious the older man was thinking deeply about something, but his intense gaze made Ryan squirm uncomfortably in his seat. 

_Is there something on my face? Is it my hair? Did I do something wrong to upset him? Is he mad at me?_

The thoughts would swim around in Ryan's head so much that it hurt, making him physically nauseous. He went through all their interactions of the day, he didn't think he did anything to upset Shane, he hadn't said anything that had caused an unpleasant reaction. He dismissed himself to the bathroom, looking himself over in the mirror and not noticing any abnormalities, before he decided he needed to tell his inner self to calm down. Shane was probably just deep in thought about work, or something like that. 

But when Shane started spending more time with Sara out of the blue, Ryan became increasingly on edge. At first, the two meet for lunch, something that Ryan usually tagged along to. He wasn't as close a friend to Sara as Shane was, but together all three were able to hold interesting conversations about various things pertinent to their lives.

"Actually Ryan, would you mind not coming along? I know we usually get lunch together, but Sara needs to talk to someone about some really personal stuff and I want her to feel comfortable," Shane had explained, and there was no way Ryan could say no when his boyfriend used that apologetic tone on him. It meant that Shane didn't want to not eat lunch with him, he just wanted to be a good friend to Sara, that's all. So he ate lunch at his desk, all by himself, and he pretended that he didn't catch other coworkers watching him curiously as he aggressively stabbed his food with his fork. Shane and him were basically glued to the hip all the time, but couples didn't have to always eat lunch together. Ryan didn't understand why they had to whisper to each other, because they were probably talking about how Shane and him probably got into a fight. Trouble in paradise, and all that. It was awful having people think that, but it would be weird if he went over and tried to correct all of them. Besides, couples fight all the time, it doesn't mean they're going to break-up or anything. And why was Ryan's brain getting so off track, seriously? He hadn't even had an actual fight with Shane.

Little did he know, all his coworkers were talking about how Shane was going to propose.

After the lunch thing, which Ryan thought was a one-time deal, Shane became more distracted. He would call Sara, going to another room as to exclude Ryan eavesdropping on the conversation, and then usually leave to go meet with Sara. Whenever Ryan would start to bring it up that it was starting to bug him how little time Shane was spending with Ryan, Shane would say that Sara was going through some really tough stuff and needed someone to be there for her, basically dismissing Ryan on the spot. With that dismissal, Ryan lost any remaining courage to voice his worries to the brunet. 

Shane would stay at Sara's late into the night, and never would tell Ryan what their topic of conversation was about. They constantly met up during lunch, and when Ryan tried to engage with Shane during work, the taller man seemed distant. Shane had also started sleeping on the couch, telling Ryan that he was having trouble falling asleep and was just watching television late into the night to occupy his brain, and to not wake Ryan up by tossing and turning in the bed. In the second week, Shane told him that he was going out with Sara for dinner. Ryan didn't complain, just shrugging his shoulders and saying it was fine, even putting on a smile. The taller man stood, placing a brief kiss to the shorter's forehead, before leaving.

And that night, he didn't come home. 

Over the course of fourteen days, Ryan had only become more and more stressed. He was having trouble eating, and was constantly nauseous, and had spent most of the nights crying himself to sleep. Shane was going to leave him for Sara, and there was nothing that he could do about it. He couldn't even speak up and tell Shane that he loved him, and that if Shane left him he was going to break, and no one would ever be able to put the pieces back together again. They were coworkers for Christ's sake, were they still going to do Unsolved together?

There was no way he could handle heartbreak and having to see Shane every single day. Even if someone replaced Shane as his co-host, he still wouldn't be able to manage. Shane's presence comforted him like no one else's, he was one of the few people that could talk him down. He was probably going to have to quit his job, and then just check himself into a psychiatric ward for the rest of his life. 

When Shane didn't come home by his usual time, Ryan called. He could never fall asleep knowing that Shane wasn't in the house, so he would wait by the window every night, waiting to see the headlights of Shane's car. It was pathetic, but Ryan needed that reassurance in his life. Even if Shane didn't love him anymore, at least he was still coming home to him. At least he kept up the facade of the relationship, even if it was for Ryan's sake. Ryan, who can't handle any difficult emotions without hyperventilating. Ryan, who Shane couldn't just outright break up with because he was just going to make everything worse somehow. 

The phone didn't even ring. Going straight to voicemail, Ryan knew it was turned off. Shane always made sure his phone battery never died, and he had brought a charger with to Sara's. Ryan knew this, because he had Shane double check to make sure he had it when he left earlier that evening. 

Breaking down, Ryan dropped his phone to the floor, his legs giving out from under him. This was it for him, he was never going to find love ever again. He had always scared away everyone after the first few dates, people claiming that they couldn't stand his personality or how clingy he was, saying they didn't have time to deal with constantly reassuring someone that they were just late getting somewhere, and were not standing him up. 

Leaning against the bed, Ryan sobbed, not hearing the sound of tires pulling into the driveway. He could feel his chest tightened, a telltale sign that he was having a panic attack, but he couldn't do anything about it. His breathing quickened, and he tried putting his head between his knees, tried doing the breathing techniques his doctor had suggested, but he knew it wasn't going to work. His vision was filled with black spots, and everything was numb, and Ryan came to the realization that he didn't want to live a life without Shane in it. He couldn't, it wasn't physically possible, he needed Shane like he needed oxygen to breathe.

Ryan suddenly became aware of loud footsteps in the room, and then of someone gently touching his arms.

"Ry, hey, it's okay, I'm here," Shane said comfortingly, and all he could do is response was vomit all over himself. He felt like he was dying, he had never had an attack this bad, and he realized it was probably from all the build-up from the past two weeks. 

"Should I call for an ambulance?" Shane asked when his presence didn't help calm Ryan down like it normally did, and Ryan hated him for being so caring.

Shane started rubbing circles on his back, telling him to breathe with him in unison, and Ryan just wanted it all to be over. Shane could just leave now, and hopefully Ryan would just pass out and choke on his own vomit, alleviating Shane from the main burden in his life. How could he stand constantly dealing with a mess of a person? Looking at himself, even Ryan knew how pathetic he must look to the other person. 

Deciding to breathe with Shane, to attempt to calm himself down, was a tough one. But looking into those stupid, perfect eyes, Ryan couldn't cause Shane any more turmoil than he already had. Once his breathing was back to normal, his face and chest numb and tingly, Shane pulled him off the floor, lifting him into the bed before leaving the room. Fresh tears already streaming down his face, Ryan was ready to go through it all over again when he realized that Shane had returned promptly with a wet washcloth. Wiping the vomit off of Ryan's face, and then doing his best to clean it off the floor, Ryan threw his head against the pillow and closed his eyes. Screw Shane Madej for being so thoughtful.

"Hey, that was a pretty bad one. Should we call your doctor?" Shane questioned gently, sliding onto the bed next to him, placing a hand on Ryan's shoulder.

"Why are you still here?" Ryan whispered back, and Shane looked at him, confused.

"Why would I ever want to leave?" he countered.

"Seems like it wasn't that hard to do considering these past few weeks."

"Ry- Ryan... Is this what this was all about? I know I've been hanging out with Sara a lot, but I swear that I'm not avoiding you or anything along those lines." Shane pulled his boyfriend closer to him, and the shorter man buried his face in Shane's chest, hiding his face.

"Cut the bullshit, Shane, please. If you had ever really loved me you wouldn't lie to me now, I know, okay? I know what you're going to do. I don't want that, Shane, it's the last thing I want on earth." 

Shane tensed immediately, absorbing the words for a moment before he felt tears begin to well up in his eyes. He couldn't keep his voice steady with his next sentence, it wobbled so much that it was obvious Shane was turning into a blubbering mess. He pulled himself away from Ryan, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed and turning his back to the other individual.

"If you don't want to marry me that's fine." 

"Who said anything about marriage?" Ryan fiercely wiped away his tears, and Shane's head snapped back to look at him.

"You just said the last thing you want is to marry me."

"No, the last thing I want is for you to leave me for Sara."

The two stared at each other blankly for a few seconds, absorbing this new information, when Ryan burst into a fresh set of tears again. Shane practically leapt over to him, wrapping him in his arms and stroking his hair soothingly.

"Ryan, I'm not leaving you for Sara, shh..." 

"Then why were you spending so much time with her? Why do you think that I don't want to marry you, did she tell you that?" Ryan was looking straight into Shane's eyes, and both of them looked an absolute mess. Faces covered in snot and tears, hair and clothes rumpled, it was anything but picture perfect.

"I was going to be all fancy and formal about this, Ryan, but I need you to know that the only person I love is you. I was talking to Sara because I was trying to figure out how I was going to ask you to marry me."

"You want to ask me to marry you?" Ryan repeated dumbly, pupils blown wide in surprise and jaw dropping in the slightest.

"Yeah, that was the plan. I was going to be all romantic and sappy about it, too-" Ryan cut off by pressing a kiss to the brunet's lips, wrapping his arms around his neck, and pulling him down on top of him. 

"Yes," he said when he pulled away, and his face broke into the first genuine smile that had gone weeks missing from his countenance. Shane processed the information quickly before his face broke out into his own grin, and he bent down to kiss Ryan a second time for good measure.

"Next time, tell me when you're worried about something like this. Even if it's just something like I ate your leftovers and it pissed you off, okay? I can't let you get so upset that you panic over it. That was the scariest thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life, definitely scarier than any ghost or demon," Shane joked, holding Ryan as tightly as he could without hurting him.

"Sometimes it's just so hard to communicate with you, because it feels like you just don't take time to listen to me some times." Ryan said all this with a smile, but Shane knew that this wasn't the first time he had been guilty of this infraction.

"I'll try and listen more. And tell me, straight-out, if I'm not, okay? This has to be a team effort if we want to improve our communication skills." Ryan nodded in response, and Shane pressed more kisses to his face.

"I love you, Ryan Bergara."

"And I love you, Shane Madej."

 


End file.
